Thursday, September 07, 2006
Like I said...
It would be nice to decide I'm going to have nothing to do with Carter after his dumbass dumping of my best friend, but I can't. As much as our lives have diverged over the past two or three years, he's still a connection to things I feel are rightfully mine. For instance, I write him a check for a couple hundred dollars every month to pay my student loans with. After all, he already paid for his knowledge by serving in the Air Force; why should this brain get a discount college education while that one has to pay twice? Mom suggested I get Sallie Mae to assign the loan to me, but anyone who has been to college can tell you what fun they are to deal with. This is much easier.
(Now, real fun would be to try convincing them that the original Martin and Carter are both dead and we're "new people", and neither of us should pay the bill
There's lots of things like that, especially where my alma mater is concerned. I don't necessarily mind that Carter gets all the bulk mailings about how the Alumni Fund would really like a donation, of course; I figure they can at least wait until I finish off paying my loans before hitting me up for more money. There's some folks there who know what my deal is, but every department seems to maintain its own mailing lists and other data, so while my old professors can connect me to the "Martina Hart" people may talk to them about, the alumni association doesn't have any way to enter a case like me into the computer.
Carter occasionally stops by to drop off mail that comes to him for one reason or another - there shouldn't be any by now, but some places are just perverse in how they update their databases. He's got my old Social Security Number, and any attempt to explain the situation to some people just gets the name changed in the list, as opposed to shifting things to me with Michelle's old SSN. Apparently, the Alumni Association (distinct from the Alumni Fund) has sent him a couple of notices about Homecoming in October, which was the most interesting stuff he handed over Monday.
Man, I must have spent about an hour just staring at the little postcard. It's been ten years, so a lot of people in my class will be showing up, and even if I haven't thought of them in years, seeing the card made me miss them, remember what a tight bond I formed with the folks in that freshman dorm, all that stuff. For a moment, I felt pretty crappy that I hadn't realized this was a big ol' divisible-by-five anniversery. I guess it's a sign that I'm pretty settled in my life as it is that I'm not giving much attention to Martin-oriented stuff.
I mean, that's what I'm always telling people in general and Carter specifically, right? That I'm neither Martin nor Michelle, but a new person. Do I have any claim to Martin's anniverserys? Does wanting to go to this thing make me a total hypocrite?
I called Kurt and Wei to ask them what they thought. They were a little embarrassed to say that they hadn't really given it much thought, but I told them it was OK; I'm not quite so self-centered that I expect other people to get an invitation to their ten-year reunion and think "how will this affect Marti?" At least, not any more. They were kind of helpful, kind of not. "It's up to you," they both said, "but if you do come, Chris/Denise and I will have your back." They were at least pretty straight-up in saying that they didn't figure everyone else would be as cool about me as they were, which only makes sense; they've got a two-year head-start on dealing with it.
I'm not really sure what Alex thinks about the idea. He said he'd come if it was important to me, but if I were in his shoes, the prospect would freak me out. Who wants to be pegged as the boyfriend of the chick who was a man the last time all these people saw her? Even if there wasn't inevitable homophobic or "he/she's a freak" stuff in the offing, we probably can't help but wind up the center of attention, which isn't something he's totally fond of.
I've got a couple weeks yet to decide as yet. I want to go, but I'm not sure I really want this kind of attention, either.