Saturday, March 15, 2008
This happens every once in a while. Things will be moving along completely normally, and then I'll start having weird dreams and won't be able to shake them. I used to think they were symptoms, that maybe something was wrong with my brain or that its contents were somehow getting corrupted, but now I just treat them as the inevitable result of a life that is inherently weird, even when it seems to have stabilized. After all, dreams are just your subconscious mind processing and filing the events of your life, fitting them into some sort of holograph, and I've got some unusual associations to make.
The one that's currently driving me up the wall seems normal enough, but at some point I have this realization - that everybody in the world is a single aspect of some sort of universal consciousness, and once I realize that they start disappearing, sucked into me and gone except for a tiny voice that soon fades from my mind. Soon I'm alone in the world, waking up when the loneliness starts to hurt.
Sometimes, as this happens, I'll acquire the physical traits of the people I absorb, and I'll be a man again. In the dream I'll find Kate and make passionate love to her, and I'll wake as she disappears. I'll wake to see her in the bed and hold her, and a couple of times it progressed, but then... Well, there's a part of me that's thinking that we had just been having sex "properly", and I'll feel disappointed that I wasn't able to do that for her.
Which is why I'm in the living room, typing it up rather than waking her. I had to find an aspirin anyway, as this time the end of the dream came with a headache, but it's not something she needs dumped on her early Saturday morning. Let her sleep in.
Maybe I should see a shrink like Amy. Hopefully this will pass before it comes to that.