Thursday, August 25, 2005
Getting ready for changes
I guess things are going pretty well with Maureen and Anna; last night they informed me that they were planning on moving in together. Just a month or two ago, them taking this step would have surprised me, because even if they weren't still feeling terribly weird about being attracted to each other, they still had some ideas that they kind of felt the need to outgrow. They both grew up in less-than-open-minded households, and their gut told them that gay people were flaky and didn't get into long-term relationships, so it probably wouldn't be a good idea to move in together because what will you do when she leaves you in a couple months? Nobody who knows Mo and Anna would describe either as flaky, but you learn a stereotype, and it becomes tough to shake, even if it directly contradicts first-hand knowledge.
So, Anna's lease runs out at the end of September, and they've already put down a security deposit for a one-bedroom in the Inman Square. I was evidently the first person they told, because it doesn't give me much more than a month to either break my lease or find a new roommate.
Finding a new place of my own is awful tempting; I may be remembering the place in Allston where I first woke up as "Michelle" through rose-colored glasses - in fact, I'm sure I am - but there is a great feeling of independence to it. Still, I like where I am right now. It's just steps to the bus that takes me to work - and don't even mention moving closer to Waltham Center; aside from my not planning on having the same job by the new year, I've been a city girl since before I was a girl, and I know that the suburbs aren't for me - it's also an easy walk to the grocery store and my favorite theaters and such. Plus, I really don't have the money in the bank to put a security deposit down on a new place before I get the one from here back. Another reason why I need a new and better-paying job.
I figure the sessions where people come to look at the apartment and meet me are going to be surreal - "have you ever had a guy for a roommate? I haven't been one in two years, but sometimes Maureen swears it was just yesterday!" Seriously, though, what person who doesn't already know me won't be a little freaked out about this?
At least it looks like I'll be able to put WPI Class of '97 on my résumé without it being the bad kind of B.S. soon. I don't know how many people will believe it, but I guess it only takes one. It's a little scary that I'll be getting my story out there to people other than my friends and the folks who read this (90% of whom probably think it's fictional, anyway). But that's pretty inevitable; Maggie says that there's a paper or two about the science of mind-exchange being peer-reviewed right now. She doesn't think any will be published soon, because whoever has made the nanomachines hasn't shared how to do it, so it's not a repeatable experiment, but, still, someone will eventually.
Monday, August 22, 2005
I hate dreams
One of the really disconcerting things about my life is dreams. For example, last night I had a "Martin dream" for the first time in months. It's a complete cliché, as I show up for a job interview and I'm suddenly naked, and folks are making jokes about the size of my unit and such. It's wholly banal, except that I'm Martin rather than myself, and I know that the anxiety comes from the fact that I am actually on the road to getting some interviews - I just filled out some incomprehensible paperwork that WPI seems to have created specifically for me to get them to reassign my school records to "Martina Hart", with a different social security number and everything.
The catch, of course, is that they now want to know who's going to be paying my student loans off. Apparently Alexei was relatively good about doing that, and Carter had applied for a retroactive deferral when he took possession of the body and Social Security Number, and then kept paying the bills so that we wouldn't draw attention to ourselves (and because he's actually got a decent job), but now...
Anyway, I digress. I suppose a good shrink who didn't think me a completely delusional loony could break it down to "you're nervous about trying to re-enter the professional work-force and reclaiming parts of your old life", talk me through it, and maybe try to perscribe some drugs that I decline because, really, I don't need anything else messing with how I think.
The really weird thing is that I remembered the dream. Clearly. And it's not the first; it happens all the time. It's been going on for a while, and I just figured, weird life, weird dreams, more staying power. But you'd think by now, when I've kind of settled in, it wouldn't be that way so much, but it is.
I mentioned it to Telly this weekend, and he gave me the weird "you know, you really might just be someone else in my sister's body" look and said I'd always had vivid dreams. He reads the blog and doesn't think it's too strange, because Michelle used to keep a dream journal and rework stuff in it as stories; it's how she got A's in English even though some of her other grades weren't so hot.
That's a kind of nifty and/or cool thing to know and find out about her, although it tends to uncomfortably underscore the fact that I'm dreaming with a different brain. That's really kind of creepy. Also, it's a bit sad that she didn't do very well in school, because she was smart. I don't have any trouble with programming computers or doing math despite the fact that she supposedly didn't do well in those subjects. The raw power was there, in her head, but for whatever reason (and I guess a lot of girls don't like to seem to good at math and science, thinking those are male things), she didn't use it as well as she could have.