The girl touching up her makeup in the mirror was pretty, if you liked the whole "natural redhead with freckles in only the cutest places and small but super-perky breasts" thing, which I always had.  I felt a slight pang of envy as she casually made sure her lips were a bright, even red without even the slightest smear.  I was pretty, too, but was a little intimidated as I approached her as confidently as I could wearing three-inch heels.  I wasn't quite sure how close to get without looking like I was looming over her.

"Uh, hey, I'm Laura, and that guy at the bar you've been flirting with is my boyfriend."

She deflated a little.  "Figures he'd be seeing someone, although--"  She stopped, apparently not knowing how pointing out that Sean had been open to it and hadn't mentioned me would be taken.  "Sorry, I didn't know.  I'll close out my tab and go."

I put a hand on her shoulder as she started to leave.  "Hey, I didn't say to do that, although it makes me feel better that you're cool about it.  I don't think he's seen me, so I'll go and text some excuse."

She took a step back and made a time-out gesture.  "Whoa, hang on, I'm not into any weird stuff.  Whatever you guys are up to, you find someone else!"

I brought a hand up to my chest.  "I'm not into weird stuff either!  Sort of.  I mean, aside from kind of being weird stuff."

I immediately cringed, but the confusion stopped her fleeing.  "Come again?"

"So, I said I was Laura, and Sean is my boyfriend, but it's kind of not true.  I'm actually his friend Chuck.  The real Laura and I wound up this sort of mutual-morphing situation--"

"What sort of situation?"

"Well, it's effectively a body-swap, except with a whole lot less existential angst over whether you're who  you think you are or the same person you appear to be except that you think that you're someone else."  She blinked in silent confusion.  "It means my body was reshaped into her and hers reshaped into me, so it's like we switched bodies, except that we were never actually out of our heads, which, like I said, is a really big deal when you're laying awake at night not sure who you are anymore."

"That's, like, science fiction."

I shrugged.  "Or fantasy.  We're just glad it's closer to romantic comedy than horror!  But Sean doesn't know, so you can see how that puts us in an awkward situation."

She looked toward the door, and I took a step toward the stalls, trying to casually indicate that I hadn't ever been the kind of guy that tries to trap a woman in an uncomfortable situation without making excuses.  She took a step in that direction, then turned around.  "Okay, that's obviously impossible, but I'll play along, because I don't have much better to do.  Why doesn't he know?  If you can tell me, you can tell him!"

I smiled with half my mouth.  "Laura and I didn't want to make it weird for him.  I mean, we figured we'd be able to change back in just a day or so, then we thought it would be a week, and then before we knew it, it had been two months and we'd done stuff.  We're pretty sure there's no going back now, so, sure, in hindsight, we should have told him at the start, but now the situation on the ground is that we waited too long, and telling him the truth would make things a lot more complicated for all of us than just accepting this as the reality going forward."

"And you think inserting me into that reality will keep things simple?"

"Nope!  It's just, Laura-slash-Chuck and I, we kind of couldn't help but get real close over the past couple months - it's a cliche, but we literally are two halves of the same person -  and being together is probably the only way we'll be all able to stay connected to our real families long-term."

She held her hands to the side.  "So... break up with him."

"So simple!  Why didn't I think of that!"  I bopped my forehead with the ball of my hand.  "Look, I can't just dump him and start dating his best friend!  As you might well imagine, I don't want to generalize too much about men, but I can't be the one who ends it.  If I reject him, he'll never speak to me again, but if he breaks it off, he'll expect me to forgive him so we can still be friends."

She groaned.  "Been there, and you're not exactly giving me something to look forward to there.  Pass."  She started walking toward the door then turned around.  "Okay, satisfy my curiosity - why the ridiculous story?  Why not stop at the door and say, hey, my boyfriend's really into her, and just walk away?  I mean, at least skip the body-swap--"

"'Mutual morphing'; still in my original body."

"You realize that sounds even stupider, right?"

I sighed.  "Look, don't take this the wrong way, but given that I'm chronically late, you're not the first girl to flirt with Sean at a bar, even before the incident.  I don't blame you, he's a good-looking dude and something about his eyes when he notices you makes you really feel seen...  I mean, I feel it, and I really don't want him to see what's inside me right now!  Anyway, I tried just hanging back the first couple times, but then, eventually, she'd see me with him, and I don't want to brag, because it's really not due to anything I feel ownership of, but apparently these cheekbones and this figure are intimidating even when I'm a complete awkward mess because I can barely dress myself or do my hair and makeup on top of being terrified of heels.  So then I tried just saying, hey, I'm with him, but I kind of want him to dump me, and it still wasn't enough!

"So, yeah, telling you this is ridiculous, but who knows, maybe it being ridiculous will give you a little extra motivation or confidence, like you're not going to have any trouble stealing him away from a dude or whatever.  Not that you need it - you're so sexy! - and maybe if I'd been a girl longer than two minutes I'd have a better idea of how to play this."  I paused, considering how that sounded.  "Not that I ever thought women are naturally good at mind games or anything."  Nope, that made it worse.

She stared.  "Again, don't believe you, but I probably could steal him away from a crazy person.  But then I'd have a crazy person mad at me."  She turned away from me and gave me some weird sort of wave with her first two fingers together as she left.  "Anyway, good luck with all that.  Maybe we'll meet again and I'll ask how it all worked out."

I tried to race after her, but tripped over my own feet and landed on one knee, tearing my pantyhose and breaking my heel as I tried to stand.  "Dammit!"  I sighed, removed my shoes and hose, shoving the latter into the garbage but holding onto the shoes in case they could be repaired.  I kept a pair of flip-flops in my purse for just this eventuality, but they did not match the dress at all.  While in there, I pulled my phone out and selected "Chuck" from the contacts.

It barely rang before Laura picked up.  "Hey sexy, we on?"

"Nah, you were right, I sounded insane."

"Ah, nuts.  Well, enjoy your night with Sean, and it's probably for the best that you show up tonight anyway - another couple of no-shows where he can't get me on the phone to commiserate, and he might figure out what we're doing and cut us both out!"

Labels: story, vignette