Transplanted Life
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
 
Part of my New Year's Resolution
I told everybody at Jen's party a three weeks ago that I wouldn't be a shut-in any more, and I meant it. I know it's not good for me, and to be honest, I don't like it. I used to be the most annoying person about telling people that even Blu-ray isn't an acceptable substitute for seeing things in the theater, even comedies and independent dramas; now I haven't even seen Avatar yet because I don't want to go out; I'm honestly saying I'll wait for Netflix. I liked showing my assets off, now I sit home alone in bulky sweats more or less 24/7. Last year was the first season I can remember where I didn't see a game at Fenway Park, although I've got an excuse for most of the season.

You'd think that my not wanting to leave the house would have led to a lot more blogging, but that's just another way to communicate with the outside world, and for the better part of the last year, my thoughts have been along the lines of how the outside world is dangerous. I was quite honestly ready to take this whole blog down, unable to believe how stupid the whole thing was from the moment I woke up as Michelle, even if it was the only thing that kept me sane at first. Just how much had Korpin learned about me just from reading it? About Amy? And we know he's not the end of it.

Like my shrink says, being kidnapped will straight-up fuck your head up.

Anyone reading this will hopefully forgive me for not giving a whole lot of details about that event, or the months following it. I haven't told Kate, Jen, Telly, Amy, or Carlos, except in the vaguest terms. Forget Mom, although I know my silence probably hurts her. I don't even talk about it with Shelly, and who would understand the situation more? I will, eventually, but here's not the place to do it. And I'm definitely not ready.

It was hard for me just to get to Jen's party. I wanted to go, but I wouldn't take the T or even a cab. I've been using Zipcars when I wanted to get someplace and I couldn't have things delivered, but by the time I stopped dithering and said yes, I would go, they were all booked. Kate eventually had to take the T to Jen's and Carlos's place, borrow her car, and come back to pick me up. Pathetic, but at least pathetic enough to serve as a wake-up call.

So that's when I made the resolution to stop being afraid of the world. Not that I've acted upon it much yet, but I'm going to the movies this weekend and writing this. So that's a start.

-Martina

Labels: , , , , , ,


Comments:
Do you really think Korpin cares about what you're doing? He finished with you years ago! He used you and moved on.

Mr. Ram
 
Methinks Martina is hinting another shoe has dropped. I await more of what happened for the past year with baited breath.
 
I'm not going to blurt out the details of Marti's 2009, but note the way that sentence is phrased: "Just how much had Korpin learned about me just from reading it?" Trust me, her using "had" rather than "has" there is significant.
 
Bring this blog back regularly again! Thanks!
 
"I don't even talk about it with Shelly, and who would understand the situation more?"

The last all of us readers knew about Shelly, she was still MIA in some unknown guy's body somewhere in eastern Europe; Martina hadn't spoken with her since before first becoming involved with Carter. This reference to Shelly in the present tense tells us that a whole lot more has happened in the past year than a kidnapping.
 
I want to know what happened so freaking much.
 
This has been a great blog for years. Is it coming back ever?
 
OK! it's been a year since the last post. Are you going to wrap this up now?

Mr. Ram
 
Post a Comment

Powered by Blogger

Note: This blog is a work of fantasy; all characters are either ficticious or used ficticiously. The author may be contacted at JaySeaver@comcast.net