Saturday, October 16, 2004
Wish I had more to say
I mean, look at me. Walking science fiction story and a whole week goes by without much to add to this diary. Sure, some stuff happened, but it's not major finding-out-where-my-original-body-is stuff or my sexual preference going wonky. It's not even major soap-opera type stuff; I mean, I've talked to a few people who've been up to the same thing.
Like, Tuesday and Wednesday, just watching ballgames. Stayed home with Mo and Carter on Tuesday, then we decided that was bad luck and decided to try something else Wednesday, so I headed over to Wei and Jim's place. It was the first time I'd seen Jim's place at all, let alone since Wei moved in. Nice. Jim's such a down-to-earth guy you forget his folks are millionaires (which, seeing as they live in Manhattan, doesn't go as far as you might think and doesn't exactly filter down to him - Nat he ain't). Still, they sprang for a nice little condo when he graduated medical school, the kind of think I might have be able to afford when I was fifty if I'd been left in my old body. Nicer than Doug's place, even.
Doug. That ate at me most of the week. I know there has to have been a better way for me to handle it, but damned if I know what it is. Okay, not using words like "nuts" and the like, but I'm not ready to get married, so what should I do, say yes and then wait to set a date until I am really sure? That's just silly.
So, I spent the first half of the week trying very hard to not do anything. I've got to admit Wei was cool about it. Under normal circumstances, she said, she'd be one of those recently-married women that wants all of her friends to share the joy and delight of marriage, but my circumstances are hardly normal. Jim said I must be sick of hearing that "my circumstances are hardly normal", but I was kind of surprised to find I'm not, really. I suppose it's hypocritical, but I like people understanding that I don't really fit into the regular holes. I don't want to be treated as weak or fragile or handicapped because of it, but I'm not big on people pussyfooting around, either.
So, anyway, it was like a little party, with some paired-off old friends I hadn't seen regularly in years. We're sort of evolving a system for that - Wei looks unsure what to say when introducing me, I tell the truth, they're amused and disbelieving.
I wound up hanging around with Kurt a bit. It's awkward, but so's standing by yourself at a couples party. It shouldn't be any big deal; I pal around with Mags and she's my ex. What's good for the goose is good for the gander. He just stands a couple inches farther away.
The last couple of days, I've been living at the Brattle; they're having the Boston Fantastic Film Festival there. I arrived to see Five Children and It Thursday night to find Doug waiting there. We did the hey, hey yourself, Kate said I'd probably find you here thing, then found a bench across the street. He apologized for the proposal, saying that he never imagined he'd have to apologize for something like that, but if I didn't feel ready, it made sense. He offered me a festival pass as a peace offering, I accepted, we went to the movie. He has, in the past forty-eight hours, sat through an awful lot of sci-fi and horror on my behalf (and probably would be now if it wasn't a second screening of the movie we saw Thursday night). We've at least got it worked out so that tonight we can get some supper and watch the game afterward.
Although I get the feeling we won't be using the same cushions on the couch. I'd never proposed to anyone and been shot down before, but he really hasn't been very touchy the last couple days ago. Are you supposed to basically start over from scratch when that happens? Or is it some spiteful, well, you rejected one kind of intimicy so the underwear stays on sort of thing?
I don't know; I just remember that a Red Sox victory was a pretty big turn-on for Kurt; maybe it's a universal aphrodisiac, at least for New England.
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