Tuesday, August 31, 2004
"So, how was your weekend?"
Finally got Maureen to come out of her shell at the dinner table tonight. We were just sitting there, saying nothing, until she asked how my weekend was. "OK. I gather it was hot here."
"Yeah, pretty unbearable at times. Couldn't have been much better in Florida."
I said that Nat and I spent most of our time inside air-conditioned buildings and cars, hoping to hear back from my mother after visiting her, but no dice.
"Well, at least you got it out. I mean, just the thought of telling my parents that I'm... that I'm..."
"Yeah." She pushed her pasta around her plate a little before continuing. "I mean, what are they going to think? They're not nasty bigots who hate gay people, but they probably wouldn't want their daughter marrying one."
"You're still their little girl, though. I'm sure that they'll come around."
"Maybe. You know what the funny thing is? When you did your coming-out thing, I was relieved, because I'd had such a crush on you, and if you were really a guy inside, maybe I was just picking up on that, right? But that didn't explain Sam, or Mary..."
"Mary, your old roommate?"
"Yeah. That's why the apartment opened up so suddenly; that night I kissed you--"
"You were pretty out of it, so I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't remember; I had to load you into a cab after your last day at BioSoft. I had to be pretty tipsy, too, since that's the first time I actually acted on one of those urges. Anyway, I told Mary about it a month or so later, and she just got all disgusted and said she thought she knew me and didn't feel safe living with me.
"Didn't feel safe! What, exactly, did she think I was going to do? I mean, sure, I kissed another girl once when I was drunk, and I told Mary because ever since then I'd really been aware of noticing her, but does that make me dangerous?"
I asked if she'd tried talking to Mary since, and she said she had, but considered herself lucky that Mary hadn't just told everybody she knew, including her folks. She knew she had to tell her parents and her other friends sometime, but wanted to do it on her own terms like I did.
She says it's weird, though, that "going out" with "Sam" was different than with guys, that once she decided to accept her orientation, she had to start categorizing women she met. Potential friend, potential girlfriend; she'd never really had guy friends, so this was a new experience.
Then she apologized, that what she's going through is nothing compared to my life. But I disagree; it's pretty brave of her to not just go into denial and make herself miserable. I mean, I can't exactly pretend not to be a woman, but she could lie to herself.
She supposes so, and she likes Sam/Carter, but it's scary to her. I tell her I know the feeling, and we sit down to watch the Sox game.
(And, boy, do I wish I had the Extra Innings package, so we could jump back and forth to the Yankee pummelling. It's a race!)
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