Sleep
The need to sleep is really inconvenient. It seems terribly inefficient to just shut ourselves down for a quarter to a third of our regular lives, especially when we can't just do it like plugging a battery charger into the wall and say, OK, I need six hours now. Or at least most people can't; I really envy the folks who have trained themselves to drop off for an hour-long catnap as soon as they close their eyes. I gather if you master that trick, you can survive on something like four a day. Then, of course, you get bitter that the rest of the world hasn't caught on and there's nothing to do at three o'clock in the morning.

That's a roundabout way of saying that this week has been wiping me out. I've been working a ton of hours so that this weekend and next don't sabotage my attempts to pay rent, I had two job interviews, so I've been kept busy. In fact, I went to this morning's interview site yesterday before realizing my mistake. Good thing I'd left myself plenty of time.

It hasn't helped that I've just been to worried to sleep during the hours designated for it. I'm going to see my mom - at least, the woman I remember raising me, even if she doesn't share any actual genetic material with this body - for the first time in over a year tomorrow. I'm going to ask her to accept something ludicrously far-fetched, and then, what, expect her to love me just as much as her "real" son. At the same time, Nat's going to be there, in her third trimester, saying that the boy she gave birth to knocked her up, proposed, and blew town.

How does one get to sleep when all these various scenarios are playing through one's head? I'm hoping it ends with her being proud of my for handling everything that was thrown at me so well, even if I don't always agree wtih that assessment, since it's the version of events that doesn't keep me awake nights.

So, let's see, what else has been going on the last few days? Aside from Carter and Maureen hogging the TV with their whole Olympic thing, not much. Kate, Jen and I saw a movie the other night - Before Sunset, which was good enough for me to want to find the first movie the cast made, Before Sunrise, although Kate says she couldn't find a DVD in stock anywhere in order to refamiliarize herself with it. They also gave me valuable fashion advice about this weekend, although they were in the same quandry as me - they know making a good first impression is hugely important, but we're not sure how much that impression should consist of "still your son inside" and how much it should consist of "well-adjusted young woman." It's a teaser. It was also the first time Jen and I have talked since the party, if you can call it that - I don't think she said five words to me all night.

I'm packing right now, and the suitcase I borrowed from Kate currently has about six day's worth of clothes in it for Saturday and Sunday. It's a bit silly, but I don't know what to decide.

-Martina
- posted 4:42 PM - - (archive use only)