Transplanted Life
Wednesday, May 19, 2004
You say you're going to stay friends
Just because you're not going to be working together any more shouldn't mean you don't hang out. And that's always the intention; we made that promise at both of the dot-coms I worked at. The last one talked about doing a Christmas party; maybe they did. I hope so; it was a good group.

So, that's part of the reason Kate and I met up with Jen for another girls' movie night. We hadn't had one in a while, and we just wanted to make sure we didn't start drifting apart right away. Kate and I headed to Copley Square after work, where Jen was already sitting outside the theater, reading a bridal magazine. I asked if they'd set a date, and she said no, though they were looking at sometime in the fall. Carlos has a fair amount of family out west, working-class folks, so they'd like to put it far enough out that they can line up vacation time and get good deals on airplane tickets. She said to trust her, that when they'd set a date, we'd know, because there would be planning and bridesmaid dresses and all sorts of things.

Not sure I like the sound of that. I'm okay with my body, but helping someone shop for a wedding dress seems girly and feminine in an entirely different way than simply having sex. I admit, this whole girly thing is insidious; for a while it just seems like protective camoflage, or looking in the mirror and thinking "she" would look sexy with red lipstick on, but continuing to do it long after I'd stopped arousing myself that way. Eventually, it doesn't seem like such a big deal that I started to have opinions on things like shoes. Then Carter moves in and is adamantly against such things, and looks at me like I've been brainwashed. Makes me wonder just how female I've gotten over the past year, mentally as well as physically. I mean, I'm not painting my toenails or feeling jealous of that ring Jen's wearing, but that could start happening and I'd never know it.

Anyway, we saw The Ladykillers. Not bad, but not the Coens' best. It was fun to see Tom Hanks cutting loose, though. We all promised that even if the rest of the company didn't, we would keep in touch and hang out. Jen and Kate already planned a double-date thing for this weekend, telling me I'd have to find a boyfriend so that I could join them on that sort of thing. Kate asked about Doug, and I said we're not really at that stage, if we're even heading in that direction. I told them it would be kind of a nice novelty to have a close male friend I wasn't sleeping with.

That's another thing that makes me wonder - is this body/brain even capable of that? As Martin, Wei and I were friends without any romantic thing going on, so how come that hasn't been the case as Michelle? You'd think it would be even easier with mostly male life-experience, but it's not. I asked Carter what he thought about that when I got home, and he said it's probably just a matter of trying harder. I sort of think there might be something deeper, that I had sex with a former platonic male friend so soon after the switch, but I figure psychoanalyzing myself without a license would probably get me in trouble.

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