Sunday, May 02, 2004
Girl power movies
Oh, my back. I really should have picked up some sort of futon or cot or the like yesterday while we were out, but I got sidetracked.
It was a gorgeous day, though. Bright sunshine, temperature in the seventies... fantastic. After I finished my shower and was rooting through my bureau for clothes, I told Carter it would be a waste to spend the weekend cooped up inside, which immediately made him nervous. What if the FBI called with information? I told him they'd leave a message, and that for all we knew they had the weekend off, too. The guys who examine computers probably only work Monday-Friday, and that's where the investigation was, right? He supposed that was true, but...
"Look, if you want to stay here and wait by the phone, that's your call, so to speak. I'd like to get out and do something. And come one, aren't looking at the same four walls driving you..." I stopped, not sure whether I was dredging something painful up. He gave a grim smile, and said that at least there were lights and heat here. But, yeah, maybe it would be nice to get out. He grabbed some clothes and brought them into the bathroom. It's sort of become our arrangement when we both get up around the same time.
When he got out, though, he looked at me in shock. I'd put on shorts, sandals, and a halter top. There was exposed cleavage along with other skin. "You're not actually going out like that, are you?"
Truth be told, I'd expected this reaction and decided to provoke it; there were more conservative things I could have worn. "Yes, I am. I'm not asking you to, but this is how I dress for warm, sunny days. Heck, I've even got a bikini in the closet for when it gets really nice." Not that I bought it myself.
"But your breasts are just..."
"Carter, honey, it's not like I could hide them even if I wanted to." I brought him to the corner of the bed and we sat down. "Look - back in December and January, what would your reaction to seeing me in an outfit like this be?"
"I guess I would have liked it. But things were different then!"
"For you, certainly. But not for me. Well, things are always different from day-to-day, but you've got to remember - I'm the same girl you knew back then. I've been through the hating my body and wanting to hide it away because I'm ashamed to have to wear a bra or bleed every month. This is who I am now, and I'm not going to live my life ashamed of who I am. You helped me with that. Remember the first night we made love?"
He smiled a bit; I gather it's still a happy memory for him, if one of the last ones before his life was ripped away from him. "I guess. If I'd known about you..."
"Then we both would have missed out, right? We did what we did and we both got something out of it.
"You don't have to go down my path, okay? And if you think I'm making a mistake in my life, I want you to tell me. But I don't think trying to enjoy my life is a mistake. Okay?"
He said it was okay, though I didn't see him changing out of the loose-fitting pants and long-sleeved T he'd chosen.
So, we walked over to Harvard Square area, hit a bookstore, and grabbed some stuff to read by the river. Some girls had already broken out bikinis, but I don't quite trust the weather this early in the year (and it would have given Carter a heart attack). It's kind of funny, though - there's an unspoken rule that people leave each other alone. You're in the middle of the city, with hundreds of folks around, wearing clothes to show off your body, but everyone understands that hitting on each other would be inappropriate. Still, Carter was a little uncomfortable, so he'd swiped my walkman and was shutting the rest of the world out.
Anyway, around 3:30 we decided to go to the comic shop and pick up my subs. We were walking past the Brattle when we spotted Kate and Dennis. Actually, they spotted us, and waved us over. "I knew you'd get to some of the IFF!"
I'd totally forgotten about the Independant Film Festival of Boston, actually. "What are you seeing?"
"Double Dare; it's about the stunt doubles for Wonder Woman and Xena. Dennis's idea, but it looks cool, and the stars and director are going to be here in person! Why don't you guys get tickets?"
"Sounds like fun!" Besides, it wouldn't hurt to show Carter that you can still be tough and cool even without a penis.
And it was a pretty fun movie. Of course, with the latter half being about how the younger stuntwoman was auditioning for the part of Uma Thurman's double in Kill Bill, I suddenly realized I hadn't seen Volume 2 yet. Kate didn't believe me, but since it was playing at the Loews in Harvard Square, we went straight there after the Brattle. It kicked ass. After that, pizza was in order - we hadn't eaten since 10am. Kate and Dennis left us then.
We found the one place in Harvard Square that serves food after nine without a reservation, Tommy's House of Pizza, and split a pepperoni. Carter looked pretty depressed as we were waiting for it, so I asked him what was wrong.
"I'm ruining your life. I know you love doing stuff with Jen and Carlos and Kate and... what's her new boyfriend's name?" "Dennis." "Dennis. And I've been keeping you from that."
"It's okay. I owe you; I think one of the reasons Korpin chose your body was that you were dating me."
"Someone's got a high opinion of herself."
I laughed. "You just made a joke! Good for you! Seriously, though - I remember how hard it was to have to deal with a body that doesn't match how I thought of myself, and I know it would have been easier on me if I'd had someone who'd been through it and wasn't going to lie to me or try to use me.
"Besides, I love you. I may not have the same physical attraction to you in that body, but you were my first real boyfriend. I liked Kurt, and by the end it was a little more than just wanting to be near an old friend, but in the end breaking up with him was a relief. The way it ended with you... I mean, Mikhail Korpin in your body... Do you know how relieved I was to find out that it wasn't you for the last month or so? That you were still the same good person I fell in love with, even if you were in a different package? I love you and I'll be there whenever you need me, okay?"
He actually smiled a happy-looking smile then. "Okay."
So, while we ate, I filled him in on stuff he'd missed. Jen and Carlos being engaged, Kate and Dennis, goofy stuff at work. We got out a paper and tried to figure out which movies he owed me for keeping me in the apartment. That sort of thing. We noticed there was a Japanese action movie playing the IFF at the Brattle at 11:30, so we decided to go to that.
We took a taxi home afterward. It's funny; I'd have no problem walking it myself and I'm the one who thinks of herself as a girl without my mind rebelling too much, but I felt protective toward Carter, and worried it wouldn't be safe. He dropped right into bed with his clothes still on and was out like a light; I guess his body still needs to build up a little more stamina. He's still asleep now, in fact, even though I've been writing this for like an hour.
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