Saturday, March 27, 2004
Well, would you?
Carter was kind of upset that I didn't feel like going out tonight. Maybe I'm getting all worked up over nothing, but that bottle of colorless, odorless liquid that doesn't seem to affect anybody but me seems pretty damn suspicious. Sure, that's with a sample size of, like, four, and also assumes that Kate, Jen, and Maureen aren't lying to me. Which, for all I know, is totally possible; we all work in an environment where we have contact with biochem wizards who just maybe could whip something like that up. My natural inclination is to think that maybe Maureen might have reported that I had some sort of suspicion back to Carter, but if I think about it logically, she's the least likely suspect - if there's some sort of conspiracy at BioSoft, she's the new girl, and probably knows less than me. I just don't want to suspect Jen and Kate because I like them.
Spent a lot of time on-line tonight researching "love potions" and aphrodisiacs and the like. It's like the opposite problem from researching mind transfers - there's too damn much information out there, and most of the search results are people who claim it's real and are trying to sell you something (whereas the mind transfer stuff is generally sci-fi). How do you filter the good and useful stuff out?
I want to figure this out soon, though. I hated telling Carter that I had other plans tonight, and then I hated worrying about how much I hated it - did I hate it because I'd been dosed with something to make me want to be with him, or because I genuinely have feelings for him. Or, to get all mind-is-matter about it, do I genuinely have feelings for him because feelings are just the result of brain chemistry, and whether that chemistry is created internally or by outside stimulants is immaterial?
It's enough to drive a person nuts.
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