Sunday, March 21, 2004
O Cruel Irony
Something weird I realized today, that's sort of been bouncing around in my brain. I've mentioned more than once that I think of Kate as being much more attractive than I am, for the simple reason that she is. This leads to comments about how there are plenty of guys out there who would be all over her if they had the chance, or how funny I found her occasional jealous comments toward my body, or the like, both in this journal and directly to her. And, more than once, I've thought that if I woke up tomorrow in my old (or any) male body, I would go after her pretty damn quickly. It just seemed funny to me that in order to meet the girl of my dreams, I would have to become one and basically no longer be either interested in women romantically, or physically attractive.
Anyway, this struck me funny because last night Carter was asking why I was studying Kate's boyfriend Dennis so intently at the midnight movie. I told him part of the truth, that Kate was my best friend and she had had somewhat iffy luck with guys, and that he didn't necessarily seem to be her type. What I didn't mention was how much Dennis reminded me of, well, not necessarily myself, but the Martin Hartle I remember being. Most of the same interests, same height, build, eye/hair/skin color, heck, he even seems to dress the same (not so big a deal with a guy, of course). Don't take this as me being dissatisfied with Carter in any way, but it's kind of weird to see that a girl I would have gone for big time has apparently gone for a guy much like me. I would actually have had a chance.
Well, maybe. I was talking with Kate today, and the subject sort of got around to how Dennis isn't necessarily the first guy I would have seen Kate matched up with, and she mentioned that she probably wouldn't have given him much of a chance if she hadn't been exposed to a lot of stuff through me. I mean, that's just weird - that in order for her to find a guy like me attractive, she had to know a girl like me.
Good thing Carter and I are doing well, otherwise I could really beat myself up over this.
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