Saturday, March 20, 2004
Finally, some alone time
Don't get me wrong, I love Carter, and I consider my being able to feel this way about him perhaps the most amazing circumstance of my crazy life, but even women b=who don't have former lives to research, former bodies to keep tabs on, or bizarre science-fictiony technologies to investigate like a little room to breathe.
Not that I really was thinking that the last couple of days - I was just glad that my cold seemed to be pretty much gone and we were having a pretty good time - rented movies Thursday night, hit a couple clubs last night, went to the Bruins game this afternoon - but now that I can plop down on my own couch in my apartment, I'm feeling wiped out.
And now Carter's even making noises about me moving in with him! I'm not sure how to respond to that. When he raised the subject as we were lying in bed this morning, it felt right at a gut level, and even though I'm willing to sort of go with those female guts on a lot of things, I'm nowhere near ready for that kind of lack of privacy, or, alternately, the amount of honesty required to keep trying to learn about how I, as a sort of combined person, came to be without hiding it from him. I mean, if he found out that all my memories prior to last July are those of a man and that I more-than-occasionally still think of myself that way, he'd freak. I put him off with how my lease runs through the end of June and how we've only been going out a few months, but that's just for now. Come June, we'll be looking at a six month anniversery and all that, so it'll be something I have to consider. Of course, by June I may know everything I feel I need to know.
We met Dmitri and Julia at the game. Yeah, Julia. I kind of freaked when I saw that Dmitri wasn't going out with Sam/Michelle any more, and I was almost very rude about it. I mean, it's not exactly good form to ask a guy the whereabouts of his ex in front of his current girlfriend, but, geez, I feel like I've got to know this. Julia's nice, and while not quite as pretty as me, she's a pretty good catch for Dmitri. Still...
"Not quite as pretty as me". Gads, that sounds egotistical. Maybe it is egotistical now; I mean, there was a time when I could sort of look at this body dispassionately as really belonging to someone else and make comparisons that way, but now I read that and think I sound like such a bitch. I don't know what that says about me or The Situation or anything. Just an observation.
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