Sunday, February 29, 2004
Not as adventurous as I thought
I suppose there's a good argument that I'm adventurous for having any sex at all, or any sort of non-platonic relationship, or even just doing anything aside from staying in my apartment and using the internet or otherwise trying to figure out just what happened back in July. It's kind of a little of both - back then, yeah, it really did feel a little exciting to basically live someone else's life, but after a while it just becomes your own. I don't know when that happened for me or why, but I find myself somewhat comfortable. Not really content, but when I met up with Carter yesterday I couldn't help but think that the only thing really objectionable about my life right now is how I came to be part of it. Understand that whoever moved my memories and the bulk of my personality from one body to another is a criminal, and if I ever figure out who it is and can prove it, I want the law to come down hard on them. Is it wrong to like my friends and love my boyfriend while wanting justice for the circumstances that led me to them? I'm not sure.
Anyway, where was I going with this? Ah, being sexually adventurous. I look back at November, and I had a good deal of sex then, but the threesome thing was as unusual as it got. Okay, that's more than a little unusual, but, still, when you get past the fact that there was another girl in the bed that night, my sex life has been busy but not varied. I play it safe; I don't know what a man's unit inside me without a condom feels like. There have been no toys, no oils or foodstuffs, nothing involving pain or humiliation or anything like that. Just your basic "insert tab P into slot V" stuff. That is, until last night when Carter used slot A.
Now, I'd said it was all right, but that was sort of in the middle of while we were, well, doing other related things. Anyway, it was okay, I guess, but not something I feel the need to ever do again. Actually, the more I think of it, the more I wonder what the heck I was thinking. From a "used to be a heterosexual guy" perspective, having something up there just seems wrong, much more so than in my vagina (after all, that's what that opening is for). And I'm trying to get myself back into that frame of mind to answer the question, but how the heck does someone think that sexual relations modeled on an enema is the least bit appealing?
Ah, well. I guess I'll just chalk it up to experimentation and just not do it again.
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