Transplanted Life
Monday, December 08, 2003
Having a bad hair day in and of itself doesn't bother me - I mean, I don't want to make the company look bad or anything, but I really don't care how I look outside that unless I'm looking to get noticed. It's just the way it sort of acts like a rebuke - looking in the mirror in the ladies' room and having it say that no matter how much I may feel like I've got a handle on this deal, at least in terms of getting through the day, there's always one more thing that I don't know how to deal with.

In this case, it's apparently the static electricity built up from wearing a wool hat on the ride in this morning. You'd think that long hair would just tend to stay down more, with each strand being bigger and therefore more subject to gravity, but no dice.

Speaking of that ride in, it was packed - apparently everyone who would normally drive to work chickened out and decided to take the Green Line, with no extra cars added. Made for a rough commute, since the B-line is already slow to begin with, what with there being something like five thousand stops before you add the trolley stopping at any random street corner or stop light. Weigh the cars down like that, and it takes even longer.

Despite it being so slow, I got about half the reading I usually get through done. We were packed in so tight that, not only was grabbing a handhold unnecessary because the other people were keeping you upright and vice versa, but I couldn't even maneuver my arm to get my magazine in front of my face half the time. It's always uncomfortable when you're sharing so little space with so many people, but then the guy behind me got an erection.

I felt kind of embarassed for the guy - not an "is that all you've got" embarassment, but just because I've been there. Not actually pressed up against a complete stranger, but every guy has had a seemingly random boner in a situation where he felt people couldn't help but notice. You don't want people to get the wrong idea and think your some kind of sex maniac or something, and there's not much you can do about it without looking really bad, so you try and think of every non-sexy thing you can imagine. And it doesn't work (instead, you're left with the horrifying thought that something in your subconscious finds King Kong Bundy hot, since that image didn't fix the situation).

Girls don't get it. Sure, a stray sexual thought or a good-looking guy may get them excited, but extra-perky nipples and a case of the fidgets can be explained away or covered up. Even happens to me on occasion; I just grit my teeth and rearrange my shirt if it's tight enough to be a problem.

What I'm getting at is that I completely understood what the kid behind me was going through... And I still felt kind of threatened. I mean, hey, there was only his shorts, his jeans, my slacks, and my panties between his unit and my butt. I could see our reflections in the window, and he quite frankly looked like he wanted to die, but what if he changed his mind? What if he lost control further?

Fortunately, enough people got off at BU West for him to take a seat and think unsexy thoughts. No apology, which is OK - it's the kind of thing you want to pretend didn't happen.

Speaking of uncontrollable urges, I'm addicted to the site statistics. Knowing that Sunday is the busiest day for the blog is strangely fascinating. Seeing the site grow is a weird feeling - it's not really helping me get back into my body, but just knowing that other people know what's going on is a small comfort, even if most are just reading it as some sort of science-fictional soap opera.

The part that I love, though, is the list of the last 30 or so referring sites. A lot come from sites like about people being turned into other people or things (especially men to women), but there's usually a smattering of other sites in there. One time I saw a reference from the rec.arts.sf.written newsgroup. The most fun, though, are the search engines.

Half the time they're looking for "Transplanted Life", like they'd heard of me or read this a while ago or something. The other ones, though, are more fun. Currently on the list are "Supergirl Halloween photos 2003" and "bra strap embarassment". Othertimes I've seen links from "Ludivine Sagnier's nipples", "Sarah Polley bra", or other names from movies I've talked about. Sometimes they're just really weird, like "how do eyes get transplanted?" or "groped on the Boston subway". I wonder how many of those folks come back regularly. Sometimes I wonder just how far my site had to be down on the list before people found it. It's fun to plug the queries into an engine and find out, sometimes.

(Now, I've probably scared a bunch of people off from reading this because they think they could be found. If I were any good at that, though, I probably would know more about my own life).

Oh, and the most popular search: "Allston Cinema Kung Fu". TL must be on like the fourth page of that. I think this is what you're looking for (Google doesn't seem to have picked up the new page for the Weekly Wednesday Ass-Kicking after the Allston Cinema Underground went kaput):


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Note: This blog is a work of fantasy; all characters are either ficticious or used ficticiously. The author may be contacted at