Transplanted Life
Wednesday, October 15, 2003
A slightly more considered reaction
Went to see Kill Bill with Kate & Jen yesterday. Kate's reaction was something along the lines of "dammit, Tarantino tricked me into going to one of your kung fu movies again!" Which is fair enough, I suppose. Still, I don't think a Jet Li kickfest would lead to a conversation about whether the director was going for a girl-power vibe or objectifying women with all the fetish costumes. Or whether QT had taken a subplot that would have gotten the movie an NC-17 and made it palatable by telling that story with animation.

I think I heard "it's for the best" about a million times after I said Kurt had dumped me. I'm not sure, though. It's utterly ridiculous that the outcome of this whole body-switching mess should depend on whether or not I obeyed Michelle's instructions to keep going out with Kurt, or, more specifically, on whether she (or someone else) thinks I tried hard enough. "I told you go out with him, and you didn't even put up a fight when he ditched you for that redhead!" Sure, it could have been some weird deal where, aha, if I'd still been in Kurt's bed at the end of six months or whatever, that would have shown that I belonged in this body more than my own.

And that's really the galling part. I got into that thing with Kurt at someone else's insistence, and it's part of why I stayed there, but now that it's over, I don't know what that means, if anything. Will I be punished for it somehow, or will it make me get restored sooner, or was it just meant to be some sort of distraction? It's even more maddening than trying to figure out what possessed him to choose Denise over me/Michelle.

But, in a way, I'm glad it's over. Kurt has been my best friend for a while, and if things go well for him and Denise, that's legitimately great news. When I get my own body back, I'll have experienced having been someone's girlfriend, so I'll have some sort of insight when dating (and, yeah, when making love). I could grow to miss the bit where someone else pays for dinner, of course, but I'll bet I feel much more myself without the sex that comes with it.

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