Thursday, October 02, 2003
Really, I've been sleepwalking all day
Figures. The night I actually expect to get laid, Kurt falls asleep.
(Do girls get laid? I used to say "I got laid" all the time, but if I'm in the girl's role, do I "get laid by" Kurt or does he "get laid by" me, meaning I lay him? Or is getting laid a mutual thing?)
Not that I blame him. If I had actually made it to Seattle, I would have appreciated the 7pm Pacific/10pm Eastern time, and don't begrudge the folks on the west coast a good game which starts a decent hour every once in a while. Still, when the game is played slowly and then goes into extra innings, finally ending at 2:45AM with a loss, there's going to be a limit to how frisky we're feeling afterward. And Kurt isn't from around here; he's one of those guys who became a Red Sox fan after going to college in Boston (Worcester, actually) and getting sucked in by the rest of us lunatics. It was an exciting game, but everyone's got limits.
We made a funny sight when his roommate got in at around 1:30 - me on the couch with my legs tucked up under me, Kurt asleep with his head on my lap. The noise of his roommate's key in the door, Kurt shifted so he was face down. Ron said it was good to see us getting on so well.
"Yeah," I said, "I like him."
And I do. It doesn't really come across in this diary, but when I'm with him, I feel this strange combined sense of comfort and adventure. It's like being in love for the first time for a second time, with new sensations and feelings and familiar places and things being infused with a new energy.
Last night, as I ran my hands through his hair, I once again felt bad about lying to him, but instead of wanting to tell him everything, I wanted to really be Michelle, to be this perfect girl for him without holding back. I'd even be able to compete for him with a clear conscience, rather than having the idea that I should step aside for Denise. I wondered if there was anyway to make this switch permanent - or, since Michelle's not exactly trustworthy, to know that it is so I can make plans for this life?
Ah, well. Just take it one day at a time; that's all any of us can do.
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