Tuesday, October 28, 2003
The last of this until Friday
I'm giving this Halloween thing much more thought, and bandwidth, than it deserves. I know I am. At least now I've got a costume hanging in my closet for Friday.
We got it after work; Kate had found a place sort of on the border of Chinatown and the Financial District that had been turned into a costume shop. It will probably be selling Christmas decorations come Saturday, and it was already pretty picked over, but it would do.
I told Kate I'd never really pegged her as a big Halloween type; she always balked when Jen or I suggested a horror move to go see. "Boarding school," she said, "since first grade. Not really far from home, but the dress code was as strict and uniform as the academic program. It was stifling at times. Anyway, Halloween was the one day of the year where we didn't have to wear the school uniform, and my dad always sent me neat costumes like no-one else's. If all the other girls were Princess Leia, I got to be a flapper. Not that I knew what a flapper was when I was eight, but I knew I stood out."
Then she asked me why I seemed so reluctant. I told her, thruthfully, that I'd never liked spending much time on my appearance no matter what the occasion, and I grew up in a neighborhood too quiet for doing much trick-of-treating. "And after I got these," I said, pushing my breasts up a bit, "I just started feeling hyper-aware of people judging me on outward appearances, and they really don't get who I am." Granted, this was a more recent occurance than Kate would know.
Kate grimaced a little, saying the handn't thought much of "Michelle" when they first met, pre-me-in-her-body, until we'd gotten to know each other. But she pointed out that what I did once I got someone's attention was up to me, and I had a leg up on some other folks in getting that far. And if someone doesn't want to peel the onion, get the next person's attention.
I guess that's fair. And it's not like I haven't enjoyed being the center of attention at times. Of course, when I was running around in the bikini I sort of approximated being ahppy, being with Kurt and not having this thing about what Michelle in my body might have planned for Natalya to worry about. Maybe if I had something going on in my life right now, and didn't feel as much at loose ends, I'd feel more content overall. Not that content is how I want to feel, but it seems more appealing than uncomfortable and paranoid.
Comments: Post a Comment