Saturday, September 20, 2003
Really not a nice thing to say
Spent most of the day today trying to research this magic crap. I have to say, if Michelle's claim that she's part of some secret society of sorceresses that pulls this body swapping thing as some sort of intitiation or trial is true, then they've done an awful good job of keeping themselves secret. Everything similar I've found seems to pretty clearly be the work of someone who is at best creative and at worst some kind of wannabe.
So it was kind of a relief when Kate called me at about five o'clock. She had a couple tickets to Randy Newman at the Berklee Performance Center, and the guy she'd expected to take her had, apparently, freaked when he actually heard some of Newman's more satiric material. And, as she said, "who do I know who wouldn't have plans with her boyfriend on Saturday night?"
Kind of mean, but, I have to admit, fair. Part of the reason I'd gotten nowhere with my research was that I couldn't stop wondering what Kurt and Denise were doing right that very minute. I mean, she might not even be coming in to Boston this weekend, but if she weren't, wouldn't Kurt be looking to do something with me, rather than sit at home alone? Especially after Thursday night...
Funny, isn't it, how we act like sex brings with it some sort of obligation? I mean, really, more connections one way or the other is the last thing I want right now, and the ones I've got are disturbing once I give them any thought, but here I am, thinking "how can he make love to me and then see her the next day?" I should be grateful for the ready exit strategy.
...Um, anyway, I told Kate yes.
I enjoyed the concert, I guess. I'm not a big fan; I know he does a lot of film music and has a nasty side that comes out when he's not writing for Pixar. Kate had some fun pointing out a couple kids who probably "came for the Toy Story songs and would be whisked out when 'Rednecks' starts". He's a funny guy, but might have been better off with a band behind him; I don't know.
We got some coffee afterwards and commiserated on our luck with men. Kate can sometimes seem almost as conflicted about this whole thing as me; she's a smart, successful woman who absolutely hates that she feels like there's something missing from her life because she doesn't have a boyfriend right now. The funny part, she says, is that she actually gets no crap about that from her folks the way Jen says she does; her mom remembers how hard juggling a career and a family was and figured if it hasn't happened for Kate yet, no big deal. She's also been somewhat reliant on being fixed up, since she's allergic to alcohol and thus won't get much from the bar/club scene.
"But enough about my problems," she says, "Have you dumped yours yet?"
Well, no, actually, in fact...
"Wait a minute... you'd been going out with him for a month and a half and hadn't slept with him yet? I'm sur.... crap."
One of the reasons she may have trouble sustaining a relationship is that the part of her brain that keeps her from saying blunt, potentially hurtful things is apparently on three-second delay. It would be a cute trait for a character on a TV show, but one-on-one it loses some of its appeal. Fortunately, I know her and recognize that she regrets, but is sort of resigned to, the stuff that she says.
And, hey, probably the only reason I didn't peg Michelle as easy the first night we met was that she established herself as a bitch in my eyes pretty early. And, besides, when Kate first met Michelle, she was still dying her hair blonde. I made some comment about trying not to look that way, but apparently once you're past a certain cup size, you just can't look unattainable.
"I suppose that's true," she said, "though I guess I won't ever find out. Besides, look at it this way - now that he's 'attained' you, so to speak, what's he need her for?"
I agreed, trying to sound like that was what I really wanted, while trying to reassure her that she has a great figure.
"I wonder if men beat themselves up over this stuff? Before he got married, my brother always took a breakup hard, but once he lost his virginity, I don't think I ever saw him get all angsty before or during a relationship. Or any other guy."
"Hey, you'd be surprised what a man will do not to be alone." I was thinking of the Thursday, but opted to give another example. "When I met Kurt, he was all depressed about his friend moving away and how he wouldn't have anyone who was single to hang out with." I smiled, finding the situation amusing, and took a sip of coffee. "I think guys just have to drink something stronger than this for it to come out."
I wish I could do more to help her. She's kind of slid into that "best friend" slot now that Kurt occupies the "boyfriend" one. But, I don't think I know anyone to introduce her to - Kurt hardly needs another girlfriend, after all.
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