The R-word
That stuff yesterday about not being sure I'd keep seeing Kurt if I wound up stuck as Michelle overlooked something important, that being that dating is not romance. Up until last night, Kurt and I had gone on dates, but it had been stuff you could do just as well with friends. Last night, though, felt different. Not at first, although the showing up at the office with flowers and making a fuss over me in front of everyone who was still there (there's a big deadline today) was new. But after that, we walked down the street to Legal Sea Foods and met up with Wei and Jim.

Dinner was good, as can be expected there. I've always liked seafood, but more so lately - it just seems to sit better in this stomach than red meat. And the wine was pretty good as well. I've never been big on wine, and probably would have gone with something else if Wei hadn't ordered it first. Still, it fit in with the meal and the evening.

The big surprise was after dinner: We walked to the docks, and for a minute I was afraid we were going to be going to The Matrix again, but Jim surprised me but producing a key to one of the gates by the docks, and then leading us to a sailboat!

Apparently, his family is loaded, but doesn't stick around New England after Labor Day. Which meant Jim had use of the sailboat to himself until it was taken out of water at the end of the month.

I have to admit, I felt a little queasy at first, something I don't remember happening before being in this body. But once we sailed out a little ways, and the water was less choppy, I got over it.

We didn't talk about much of anything, just looked at the city and the stars, which you can't really see that well from inside the city. Kurt would point to various parts of the sky and talk about them, and I didn't let on that I'd known all this since I was eleven, not even when he got something wrong. After a while, we noticed that Wei and Jim hadn't said anything in a while, and looked their direction in time to see them break off a kiss, though their gaze still lingered. I let Kurt kiss me, and it felt good. Not insistent, or hungry, just, I don't know, happy. If Michelle had shown up in my body at that moment, I would have told her to get lost and never come back. When we finally broke it off, I noticed Wei looking at us, with a smile on her face. I'd seen that smile on a woman's face before and never understood it, but now I did. She's in love, and content, and the rest of the world seems to be as well.

Pretty soon, though, we noticed it was already ten o'clock, and we all had to work today. Jim managed to guide us in, with a little help from Kurt when rowing was called for.

We walked back into town, with me leaving them at Government Center (they all live on the Red Line). Kurt kissed me again there, a passionate one which actually lifted me up onto my toes, one of his hands pressing against my back and the other cradling my bottom. It made me a little nervous, because its strength reminded me too clearly of our different sexes - my boobs got squished a little, and I could feel the strength (and position!) of his hands. It was like I was snapped out of some girl-trance, and I suddenly felt like I was in over my head.

But, I wasn't going to back down, so I put my arms around his neck and kissed back. I don't think he noticed anything amiss, but as soon as he and the others started walking away, I was shaking. I wasn't sure whether I was excited or scared, and after I got home, I had a hard time sleeping. Part of it was just this body being all worked up, but I was able to tend to that. Part of it, though, was that I recognized how I was feeling. I felt the same way for most of the time I was dating Maggie, and the idea that I could feel the same way about Kurt was, well, perverse. And even after I spent some time trying to convince myself that it wasn't (it's just how this body is wired, right? And so what if Kurt's your friend; that didn't stop you from going out with Becky Carlson in high school, depsite having known her since you were six), I knew it could any time Michelle decided she wanted her body back. Sure, something unexpected can end any relationship, but this one could go on, just without me being a part of it. Scary to think about.

Ah, well - just take it one day at a time. Hopefully, I'll see Kurt tonight; I left him a message to meet me at The Place tonight so we could watch the game (Sox! Yankees! Pedro vs. Petitte! Derek Jeter out of the lineup!).

-Marti (tough to sign a guy's name to this one)
- posted 2:53 PM - - (archive use only)